Dedicated to Maggie, a connoisseur and aficionado of Bad Ass Owls.
Living in a two bedroom apartment with his roommate, the recently divorced Great Horned Owl, the Eagle Owl spends much of his day playing World of Warcraft. His dad owns a percentage of Adult Friend Finder, the online dating site of reputable nature, and sends the Eagle Owl an allowance which he thinks is paying for online courses. Anyways, the heading is titled “awkward moments” and the following story will explain why.
In the middle of a heated assault on some bullshit dungeon or whatever the hell goes on in that game, (I refuse to do any research in fear of finding the game awesome and becoming aroused aka wanting to play it) the neighbors dog who subsequently suffers from canine Tourette’s, was having a serious case of barking its fucking brains out. The Horned Owl who had passed out in the bathroom from being intoxicated the night before could be heard yelling to “shut that shit up”. Having put up with the dogs incessant dog bitching for the past few weeks, he decided an owl can take so much. He called the apartment manager and complained about the noise the neighbors dog was making and how it was affecting his studies for imaginary online exams. The next morning on his way out to pick up a pack of Camel Lights and Red Bull he stumbled into a huge steaming pile of revenge in the form of a huge steaming pile of dog crap left in front of his door.
Clash of the Titans
In the 1981 movie Clash of the Titans, the goddess Athena’s pet owl, and its mechanical counterpart, is called Bubo, the name being inspired by the Latin name of the Eurasian Eagle-owl.
- His exoskeleton is created out of Titanium Steel Alloy and a concentrated mixture of children’s tears combined with fortified hatred for all living things.
- His battery life puts the iPhone to shame.
- His hardware is backwards compatible and you can play original Xbox titles without downloading some bullshit patch.
- If you ever see a “Red Ring of Death”, you probably aren’t alive to read this.
- Can consume 800 times its own body weight which is 2 metric tons.
- Eats fire and emits Febreeze with a lemon scent.
- Can but refuses to fly. Instead it drives an Audi R8 Spyder 5.2.
- Voted for gay marriage because it digs lesbians.
- Its favorite color is fear.
- Is deathly afraid of how awesome it is, not only in bed but in general.
If you find anything on this site offensive and deem it untrue about the above mentioned owls then feel free to contact us so we may address your issues and concerns. We also don’t mind if you submit a complaint about us. We love and respect owls as well its closest relative, Sylvester Stallone.